Bird

Ain't goin sarf a tha riva

2007-06-27T10:59:14Z

I've been in London for 9 years now and have always despaired with the taxi/cab situation. When i first moved here minicabs weren't licensed which meant that anyone with a car could pick up fares. This obviously led to attacks on inebriated passengers, so minicabs became licensed - but they are not allowed to pick up fares from the street - they have to be booked.

So, it's 3am and I'm falling out of the Grosvenor on Park Lane after an awards ceremony - bit concerned about being able to get a cab home, but there are plenty of black cabs all with their lights on - not a problem then. But no, would any of them take me to South East London? No. "Oooh no, I ain't going south of the river at this time" was all i heard. Even though it's a £50 fare - none of them would take me. I rarely use the female card, but i said to a couple that i was alone and needed taking home by black cab - made no difference. Do all black cab drivers live in North London?

What gets my goat in particular is that I witnessed a black cabbie demonstration a couple of weeks back, where they drove round a one way system repeatedly, honking their horns and holding up all traffic. Their reason for doing this was against minicab drivers who they were saying do not get police checks run on them - which black cab drivers do. They had signs in their windows declaring "Take the safe option, stay away from minicabs"; "Get a black cab and be safe" and the like.

Yes, i'd have loved to have got a black cab - but none of the buggers would take me. A life long rule of mine is "never to be a statistic" so i am careful about wandering about alone at night - so persisted until one cabbie finally agreed to take me - but only after having to plead. Then I had to listen to him all the way home complaining that it was a long way to go - and was south of the river blah blah blah. Needless to say, he didn't get a tip - and then complained about that.

Rant over.

I hate my iPod

2007-06-24T12:51:51Z

Well, that's not completely accurate, i hate Apple.

It took me a few years before i parted with my hard earned cash and buy an ipod. I'd resisted for so long as i didn't like the fact that you had to have a computer in order to have an ipod. But since i bought one i became a true convert and i now love my ipod and also itunes.

So what's changed? The facking ipod has died. I've only it for a couple of years and it is refusing to work. I have spent a week trying all sorts of fixes, resets, restores, downloads etc etc et-fucking-cetera. And nothing.

The only solution now is to buy another one, as now that i've built up a library of music, i want something to listen to it on.

I'm sure this is some kind of ploy by those Apple bastards. Slags.

Are we all incapable of monogamy? Discuss........

2007-06-06T19:16:08Z

By nature, are we designed to be polygamists and it is society which imposes monogamy which some people are able to abide by and others are, well simply, not able to?

I'm querying this following a dalliance with a bloke who is in a serious relationship - so serious that he and his lass have recently bought a house together. Without going into too much detail as i'd rather it remains anonymous - i've known him for quite some time but had lost touch over the years. Met up a few months ago and got it on; then again at the weekend. This makes me think it wasn't just a once off and i can foresee that every time we get together we'll end up in the same clinch as the last couple of occasions. I'm not saying he's now got a thing for me, i just wonder whether humans aren't really meant for living out their days with only one partner. Perhaps one partner to share things like houses, day-to-day living and all that, but physically we need more than that.

There's also the factor that i'm single and also able to get jiggy with a bloke without turning into a bunny boiler and maybe if i was in a relationship, i would be monogamous.........

Thoughts?

Why Bother?

2007-05-31T14:02:13Z

That wretched nonsense which Channel 4 try to fool us into believing is entertainment is back - yes, it is the Summer and therefore that means Big Brother. I plan to make a concerted effort not to get sucked into it - which is usually difficult to achieve as it not only takes over TV but also newspapers, magazines, radio - in fact every form of communication gets swamped by the all-consuming dross.

The last "celebrity" effort should really have put the final nail in the coffin due to all the racism and general nastiness, but no, it's back for more. And more of the same by all accounts. More wannabe celebrities, more annoying tossers, more collossal bores, more tedious "will they, won't they shag" debates.

I really do hope i can manage to get through the next view months by relying on my trusty digital recorder to have taped enough other viewing that i need not get sucked in. I will have to give up listening to Radio 1 as it's all they harp on about.

However in reality, give it a few more days and i'll be hooked.

Queuing - and general lack thereof

2007-05-30T11:50:32Z

The British are mocked for our predilection for queuing, but why oh why oh why are people in this country totally incapable of queuing for buses? Ok, maybe not the entire country, that's a rather sweeping accusation - but in London, total disregard for queuing for buses.

In the City of London people form an orderly queue along the pavement, so why can't this be achieved elsewhere in the capital?

My particular bugbear is the bus stop across the road from London Bridge, heading into the City. It's very busy, but no bugger bothers to queue, which means that when a bus does arrive it's a scrum to get on it. I can't be dealing with this first thing in a morning and i'm not suggesting we should act like a scene from Mary Poppins but please people, have some fecking manners.

Rant over.

Eurovision - what a con...

2007-05-14T20:26:51Z

....now i'm certainly not saying the UK entry should've won because Scooch were complete shite - a very poor man's steps with far too much homoerotic references ("would you like something to suck on during landing sir?" - what?!).

But neither should the Serbian entry have won - that was dross.

What should've won is the Ukranian entry - bloody marvellous stuff. You can view it here, and trust me, you will be singing it to yourself in no time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTtY_wIRTd8

My kind of town?

2007-05-10T16:50:40Z

I am on my second visit to Pittsburgh and I'm starting to like the place. My initial thought when i was here a couple of months ago was that it was like Rotherham. If you've never been to Rotherham, I wouldn't suggest you add it to the list of places to visit anytime soon. There's not much to do in Pittsburgh's centre - where my firm's office is and also the hotel where i am staying. By 6pm everyone has fled to the suburbs, leaving behind the business travellers (like me) and the hobos (not so much like me). With the pound so ridiculously strong against the dollar at the moment i can live here like a queen. I'm considering suggesting to my boss that i come work here but get paid in sterling with free accomodation and a free car and expenses.

The exact moment that i started to like it here was when i went to a bar last night and asked for a gin and tonic which was then served in a pint glass - with very little tonic. After several hours of putting those away i did resemble a hobo as i made my way back to the hotel - so i'm fitting in just fine.

The new face of evil on daytime TV

2007-05-04T16:51:25Z

Well, i don't think he's all that new, but i haven't been subjected to daytime television for quite a while. I've been off work this week with flu - and not the man flu variety, if i had that i'd have been at work, no it was the proper full on flu where i was bed bound for several days. I don't have satellite tv wired into my bedroom so i have been forced to endure the finest terrestrial tv this country has to offer. What i have been subjected to the most, by ITV, is Jeremy Kyle. At first i thought he was a Trisha wannabe - but oh no, this is the guy Trisha wishes she was. I wouldn't have dared to imagine there were people who demonstrated the missing link more so than those that appear on Trisha, but those on the Jeremy Kyle show are truly something else. There's a repetitive theme to his shows which are usually one of the following:

a) my husband/wife cheated on me
b) my husband/wife cheated on me with a gay/lesbo
c) my wife cheated on me so i don't think the baby is mine and i want a DNA test
d) my husband cheated on me, so i did too, and now i don't think the baby is his and i want a DNA test
e) a comination of the above factors, repeat to fade

Then in the afternoon you get Jeremy Kyle at the Fat Hospital - which does exactly what it says on the tin - fat americans trapped in a fatty farm where Kyle goes along to make them feel even worse about themselves. Brilliant.

At first i couldn't abide this colossal tool , but now i quite like his attitude - maybe it's the Night Nurse that's having a curious effect on me, but i'll be quite sad to return to work and miss out on Jeremy.....maybe i'll Sky Plus it......

I did something tonight that i have never done before

2007-04-25T23:20:21Z

i ordered a chicken doner instead of your normal run of the mill doner. and i regretted it, instantly. i am still yet to find a doner kebab as wonderful as those supplied by Flame Kebabs in Hendon and tonight's split second decision to go for chicken was wrong. it was greasy and fatty and smelt wrong. the chicken ended up in the car park, where i'm sure some of the local feral pigeons enjoyed it for their breakfast, and i made do with the pitta bread.

Today, the world is a better place....

2007-04-25T10:18:51Z

.....as i got a free peanut chunky KitKat given to me on the way to work. Finally someone with something worth handing out to break up the monotonous trog to work.

I had said KitKat for my breakfast and can verify it as being a very tasty piece of confectionery - it has peanut butter in it as opposed to whole peanuts - very nice. I pity everyone with nut allergies.

Alreet

2007-04-19T08:44:44Z

Well, here we go - following in the hoof shaped footsteps of my good friend Mr Griffin, i thought it time to record my thoughts/rantings/musings/call them what you will. I believe it is also time for our sausage fingered friend Mr Hufton to do the same - although his daily recordings may consist of eating mackerel 3 times a day and the finer points of Taiwanese tobacco products.

My thoughts on the way to work this morning were that it'd be great if we communicated like they do in musicals - at crucial points when you need to get a point across, a big band starts playing and you can start singing. We used to do this at uni - "do you want chips for your tea toooo--nniiiiii-ght?", "yes pleeeeeeease, that would beeeeeeeeee grand". Doesn't really convey well on a compoota - but i hope you get my drift.